Going out into the dating world can be scary, but it can be even scarier when you’re an introvert. I’m here to tell you though, with the right mindset, dating doesn’t have to be such an intimidating experience. As a fellow introvert who completely gets you, I want to share 8 tips to help you venture into the dating world with confidence.
1. Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone
Look at dating as an opportunity to open yourself up to new people, new places, and new experiences. But don’t feel like you need to change who you are. Being an introvert doesn’t make you inferior to an extrovert. You have your own unique qualities that make you who you are…and that’s someone worth getting to know.
2. Be open to random conversations
Not everyone you strike up a conversation with will be “the one.” Hell, you don’t even need to start a conversation with the opposite sex. In fact, it’s easier to talk to people you aren’t trying to impress. It’s all about getting practice for the real thing. By chatting someone up in line at the grocery store or at your local coffee shop, you’ll get more comfortable talking to people you don’t know. Who knows, you may even end up meeting Mr. Right this way.
3. Be honest about being an introvert
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Admit to your date that you tend to be a little shy at first, but you’ll open up as you get more comfortable. By being upfront with him, you can hopefully avoid him misinterpreting your reserved nature for a lack of interest.
4. Plan a fun activity for your first date
I tend to feel a little uptight if I’m sitting down to a formal dinner with someone I just met. There’s the added pressure of constantly trying to keep the conversation going. Instead, I suggest going bowling, playing mini golf, or doing a paint and sip on your first date. This helps alleviate any awkward silence, since you can both just focus on the activity you’re doing if you run out of things to say. I must mention though, being able to sit in silence with someone you’re truly comfortable with is the most amazing feeling. You’ll get there in time, but I digress.
While movie dates may seem tempting because you basically don’t have to talk the entire time, they aren’t a good idea for a first date. You want to get to know the person and you can’t do that while sitting in silence. Break the ice at the beginning, so you’ll get more and more comfortable with them on each date.
5. Don’t be afraid to let someone new in
It’s as if we introverts have this hidden world only a select few can enter. It’s funny because I feel like I show different sides of my personality depending on who I’m around. Only people who I’m comfortable with get to see the real me. To some people, I may be the quiet, reserved girl. While others get to see my goofy, sarcastic side.
When it comes to dating though, I try to make a conscious effort to show more of my authentic self early on. Why? Because I want the guy to like me for me, not the person they think I am. After all, we need to be vulnerable and let our guards down to really fall in love.
6. Know your power
While extroverted people tend to socialize with a lot of people, the connections we create as introverts with a select few people run deep. Most introverts hate small talk, but we thrive while having meaningful conversations about our passions, the meaning of life, our families, and more. These types of discussions create a closeness with the other person because they’re honest, authentic, and go beyond the surface level. Asking someone about the weather doesn’t get to the heart of who they really are.
Don’t ever think there’s anything wrong with you because you’re an introvert. You’re not boring because you’re content with staying home instead of going out and partying. And just because you aren’t a social butterfly who’s the life of the party, doesn’t mean you don’t know how to have fun. Own your introversion and find someone who accepts you just the way you are.
7. Learn the pros and cons of dating extroverts or introverts
You may find that opposites attract or that you prefer to have a common ground. It’s all about finding the person who’s better to hang out with than being alone (you know we introverts love our alone time).
When dating an introvert, you may be forced to come out of your shell a bit more to keep conversations flowing. This is a great thing! They’ll also understand that you need your alone time and that you’re more of a homebody, because they’re likely the same way. On the flip side, this mutual understanding can cause you to isolate yourselves if you stay at home more often than you’re out socializing with other people. So it’s important to maintain a balance between socializing and getting the alone time you need.
The good thing about dating an extrovert is they’re engaging people and great conversationalists. These qualities can help loosen you up and make you feel more comfortable right off the bat. They can also encourage you to experience exciting new adventures or meet new people. On the other hand, you may feel like an extroverted person just doesn’t understand you. They may feel rejected if you need some time to yourself or get annoyed because you don’t want to go out as often as they would like to. This brings me to why my last dating tip is so important.
8. Remember that compromise is key
To make a relationship with an extrovert work, you’ll need to learn to understand what makes each other tick. He gets his energy from being around others, while you need time to recharge after being around lots of people. Since these attributes are polar opposites, you’ll often need to compromise. If you agree to go out with him on a Friday night, it’s only fair that he has a quiet, relaxing night in with you on Saturday.
If he asks you to come to a party where they’ll be people you don’t know, talk to him beforehand about your apprehensions. To make the night a little less stressful for you, politely ask him not to leave you for long periods of time by yourself. Let him know it’s not that you’re clingy, it’s just that you need a level of comfort in a new environment with new people. You can also ask him to tell you more about the people you’ll be seeing at the party. This way, you can use what you have in common as conversation starters.
If you’ve had trouble navigating the dating world as an introvert, what has helped you?
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