Getting angry is completely normal, but it can become a big issue in your relationship if you or your partner doesn’t know how to properly control your temper. Maybe you’ve found yourself taking your frustration out on your partner when you get really stressed out from work (I’ve been guilty of this myself). Or you’re with a “hot head” who constantly snaps at you and you’re tired of having petty arguments. Whatever the case may be, keeping your anger under control is a key factor in helping you maintain a happy and healthy relationship.
Here are ways to help you or your loved one control your anger so it doesn’t get the best of you.
Recognize your triggers
Be mindful of what sets you off and take steps to address or avoid these scenarios. For example, if you enjoy going on road trips but know you get road rage on the highway when people cut you off, try taking back roads with less traffic if possible.
Take a time-out
Give yourself some time to cool down when you start to feel angry. Counting to 10 can give you the break you need to relax and help you avoid immediately lashing out or saying something you’ll regret.
Take deep breaths
When you’re feeling angry, your adrenaline rushes, your heart rate increases, and you breathe more quickly. These biological fight-or-flight responses make you more likely to react negatively. So the trick to getting yourself to calm down is to take slow and controlled deep breaths. While taking these deep breaths, you can also visualize a tranquil place to soothe your mind even further.
Use humor to diffuse an argument
I’m pretty notorious for cracking jokes in the middle of an argument to help lighten the mood and resolve a disagreement. Humor can sometimes make you forget why you’re even fighting, so it’s the perfect way to squash it.
Talk it out
Once you’ve calmed down, it’s important to express your frustrations in an open, nonconfrontational way. The purpose of this conversation is to come to a common ground and move forward, so avoid criticizing and placing blame on the other person.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” so you don’t come off as accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to a word I say,” you can say, “I get upset when I feel like you’re not listening to me.”
Exercise
Physical activity is a great way to lower your stress levels, so you’ll be less likely to be moody or short-tempered. Yoga, walking, running, kickboxing, or swimming are just a few of the activities that can help. I must say, in my personal experience punching a heavy bag after a stressful day can be extremely therapeutic. If it helps, feel free to picture someone’s face while doing it, I won’t judge you (been there, done that)!
Meditate
I’m a big advocate for meditation. It’s a great way to help center, relax, and de-stress you. Learn more about how you can start your meditation journey here.
Start a new hobby
Having a creative outlet can do wonders for stress relief. For me, blogging is a perfect way to do more of what I love. You may find joy in dancing, crocheting, painting, writing in a journal, or playing an instrument. Whatever it is, freely explore your creative side.
Get enough sleep
Running on very little sleep can make you feel irritable or cranky. Try going to bed a little early each night so you can squeeze in more hours of sleep. Remember, the recommended range is 7 to 9 hours of sleep.
Don’t hold grudges
Holding onto anger can completely consume you. Not only are these negative thoughts unhealthy, they can overpower your positive thoughts and make you feel bitter and unhappy.
Forgiveness is extremely powerful and freeing. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was right. In fact, it isn’t even about them―it’s about taking back your joy and letting go of what’s holding you back from being completely happy. Learn more about the importance of letting go here.
Know when to get help
If you can’t seem to get control of your anger and it’s continuing to hurt your relationships, it may be time to seek the help of a professional. Talk to a therapist who can listen, offer constructive advice, and help you get to the root of your anger issue.
Remember―anger doesn’t fix anything, it only makes things worse. Learning how to control your emotions can help you maintain harmony within yourself and your relationship.
“For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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