As I continue to heal and grow closer to God, I’ve started to develop empathy for my ex who suffers from addiction. I’ve realized that holding onto any animosity toward him only hurts me more. Forgiveness brings me peace and frees me from the shackles of pain and bitterness. If Jesus sacrificed his life to forgive all of our sins, why shouldn’t I forgive those who hurt me?
Addiction is a cunning and unrelenting disease. And while it’s easy to place blame on the addict, is it really their fault? This is a question I’ve struggled with since finding out my ex’s deep dark secret of alcohol addiction.
Those who suffer from addiction aren’t wired the same way as everyone else. While someone can have a few drinks and be done, others just can’t stop. But it’s not as if they woke up one day and said, “I want to be an alcoholic.” Once they fall down that rabbit hole, it’s very difficult to escape. Even those in recovery have to choose sobriety every day of their lives. It isn’t just an on off switch they can easily flip. As times get tough and darkness loams over them, they need to fight against choosing to deal with it through drugs and alcohol or facing it head on in a healthier and unfamiliar way. Both of these paths are difficult to navigate.
As someone gets deeper and deeper into their addiction, it can swallow them whole. This makes it difficult for their love ones to even recognize the person they once knew. It becomes tough to separate the addiction from the addict, which is when resentment set in. But when we see glimpses of who they once were peek through, we start to realize they’re still in there somewhere trying to fight their way out. While addiction is a big part of them, it doesn’t completely define who they are.
When it comes to my situation, all I can do now is pray for him. Let go and let God. There was a reason our paths converged when they did. I’m thankful for that despite the hurt it caused. It gave me my beautiful son, who has brought so much light into the darkness.
As much as we want to save someone, they need to want it for themselves. That lack of control is one of the toughest parts of all this. But I need to let him live out his journey as God has intended. And I’ll live out my own with forgiveness, empathy, and love in my heart.
