We Don’t Have to Settle to Settle Down

The age-old question has always been, how do we know when someone is “the one”? I’m sure if you’ve ever asked someone, they’ve simply replied, “You just know.” Well, it’s not always that simple.

Our intuition is a tool that can help us determine if someone is right or wrong for us. We all get that gut feeling when something feels off. We shouldn’t ignore it because the majority of the time it’s right.

I’ve lived in denial in the past and turned a blind eye to major red flags. Was it worth it? Definitely not. I realized I’d rather be punched in the face with the truth than comforted by lies. And believe me, I was metaphorically punched.

We may want something to work out so badly that we accept things in our relationships that we know we shouldn’t. When this happens we need to ask ourselves why we put up with so much crap. Do we feel like we don’t deserve better? Well, we certainly do.

We can’t be driven by fear. We shouldn’t be with someone just because we’re afraid to be alone or that we’ll never find someone else. We can’t let the ticking of our biological clocks force us into marrying the wrong man. That will eventually crash and burn.

We’ve all grown up with the idea of prince charming galloping in on a white horse to sweep us off our feet. This has led us to fantasize from a young age about our beautiful dream wedding. The idea of marriage has been romanticized so much that we can fall into the trap of being more in love with the idea of marriage than with the actual person. Well, real life isn’t a Disney movie or a romantic comedy with a perfect ending.

We shouldn’t marry someone simply just to get married. Because after that night, real life happens. Most married couples will tell you it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. There’s more to being married than just having an elaborate wedding. It’s hard work and takes two people who care enough to work through the ups and downs. We want to be married forever after all, so it’s better to wait until we are absolutely sure that we’ve found the right person.

The right person is someone who will love us just the way we are. They’ll grow with us as we continue to evolve as a person. That’s important because let’s face it, we aren’t the same people we were ten, five, or sometimes even one year ago.

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” ~Juno

We should never give up on finding real love—the kind of love that lights up our soul. The kind of love that brings out the best in us, not the stress in us. It may not happen when we want it to, but it will happen when it’s meant to. In the meantime, we should focus on making ourselves happy, because first and foremost we need to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else.

Are you struggling to figure out if the person you’re with is the one?