Can Your Fighting Style Doom Your Relationship? 

Fighting in romantic relationships is inevitable, but the way we go about it matters. Certain fighting styles have been shown to be strong predictors of divorce, according to a study.

The different types of fighting styles

The University of Michigan conducted one of the longest and largest studies on marital conflict, following 373 couples for a 16-year period. The study showed that there are three fighting styles, including destructive (yelling and screaming), withdrawal (keeping quiet or leaving the situation), and constructive (calmly trying to solve the problem).

The biggest culprits for divorce

It’s no surprise that the couples who most often used destructive strategies during conflicts were the most likely to get divorced. But it turns out that this wasn’t the only fighting style proven to be toxic. The study also found it to be extremely damaging when one partner tried to calmly discuss the situation and listen to their partner’s point of view while the other withdrew emotionally.

I can definitely attest to this being a big issue. I’ll admit I’ve raised my voice in arguments and have gotten very passionate about getting my point across. When I’ve dealt with a significant other who went silent and walked away from me, it drove me nuts! It made me feel like they didn’t care or weren’t as invested in the relationship as I was. They, of course, felt like I was overreacting. Turns out, these are common assumptions that are very detrimental to relationships, according to the study.

By the end of the study, 46% of the couples got divorced. Those who remained together, typically both used constructive behaviors when dealing with conflict. Another interesting finding was that the strategies couples used in the first year of marriage predicted how long they’d stay married.

Men vs women

Men reported using constructive behaviors more often than their wives in the beginning of their marriages. While men’s behavior didn’t change over time, women became less likely to use destructive strategies or withdrawal during fights. This might have been because the issues women had when they were newlyweds resolved over time.

Fighting fair

Fighting is not fun by any means, but it can very constructive if done the right way. It’s important for both you and your significant other to hear each other out and calmly come to a resolution to the problem. This can prevent a minor argument becoming an even bigger issue in the future.

If you feel like your temper gets the best of you during arguments, learn tips on how to manage your anger here. If you try to avoid conflict at all costs, realize that withdrawing from your partner only prolongs the issue and can create false assumptions. The time you spend giving your partner the silent treatment is precious time that could’ve been used to talk things out and squash the argument.

What fighting styles do you and your partner use?