I spent most of my life picturing my wedding day and longing to find the person I’d marry. I put marriage on a pedestal and felt such emptiness that I hadn’t reached that milestone yet. As my friends walked down the aisle, I wondered when my time would come. I was tired of waiting! My happiness was literally tied to a title, which caused me to settle time and time again for less than I deserved. All because I wanted so badly to find “the one”.
When I finally met the person I’d ultimately marry, I thought all my dreams had come true. He was ready and willing to give me everything I ever wanted. But once I finally became a wife, things took a big turn for the worse. I had tunnel vision throughout most of the relationship and couldn’t see the red flags as they whizzed by. Until one day, they slapped me so hard in the face and I could no longer ignore them. Having a newborn at the time only made what I was going through that much more difficult. But it also drove me to make some drastic changes to protect him.
They say when God wants us to grow he makes us uncomfortable. He knows that it’s time to move on, but that we won’t unless we’re forced to. I feel that’s exactly what happened to me. It feels unfair that I waited 38 years to get married for it only to end so horribly. But I need to recognize the lessons it was meant to teach me. I now see that I’m responsible for my own happiness. No man or life circumstance is going to give that to me.
Divorce is tough, but it’s not the real tragedy. The real tragedy would be staying in an unhappy marriage and teaching my son the wrong idea about love. I can’t dwell on what could’ve or should’ve been. I need to see my life for what it is. And what I see is a new beginning, hope for a brighter future, and a journey to find inner peace and self-love. Ultimately, it’s the realization that I’m one strong-ass woman who would do anything for her son.
