Motherhood is hands down the hardest, yet most rewarding job I’ve ever had. For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of becoming a mother. But the vision of family I had in my mind, unfortunately didn’t go as planned. But then again, most things in life never do.
They say raising a child takes a village, and yet here I am doing it essentially all by myself. Being a single mom can feel so overwhelming, isolating, and test my patience like never before. But it can also be heartwarming, fulfilling, and downright magical. The love I have for my son is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. He is my whole world, and I would move mountains for him. In fact, it feels as if I’ve been doing just that. Going through a difficult divorce and custody battle that has taken close to two years and still isn’t over is so emotionally and mentally draining. It feels like it’s never going to end and I just keep searching for the light at the end of this dark tunnel. And the hardest part is staying strong and putting on a happy face every day for my son, despite feeling so lost and unhappy inside. But he is the driving force that keeps me going and I will do everything I can to protect him.
I’ve caught myself feeling resentful for the way things turned out and how unfair it is that all the weight is on my shoulders when I wasn’t the only one who created my son. I’ve asked myself why this has to be my story. Why couldn’t I have the happy ending? I realize it’s because this isn’t the end of my story and better things are on the horizon for me.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon
I always felt like I needed to get married to feel whole or like I accomplished what society thinks we should. But I learned the hard way that no one else can make me feel whole and I am the only one responsible for my happiness. My family life may not look like how I envisioned, but it’s still beautiful. My son and I have created an unbreakable bond that will only get stronger as the years go on.
I know I have a long road of healing ahead of me. I need to focus on my blessings instead of my burdens and recognize I’m stronger than I ever thought possible. God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, and I know he’s guiding me every step of the way. And when it’s all said and done, I will be a better person for it. I will go through life with my eyes wide open and not let my heartbreak and hardships harden my heart.
