In reflecting back, 2023 has been a hell of a year. It started off very traumatic, when my ex landed in the ICU on a ventilator due to liver disease. We didn’t know if he would live or die, and my heart would drop with every text and phone call I’d get. I went to visit him frequently and seeing him like that was heartbreaking. The loud, boisterous man I once knew was now a mere shell of his former self. He was unable to do the simple things that we take for granted—breathe on his own, eat, speak, or use the bathroom. I’d ask myself, how could he let this get so bad? But I know that the grip of addiction is relentless. It’s a thief that steals everything you hold dear and makes itself the number one priority over all else.
During his hospital stay, his father passed away. But he was unaware of this due to his condition and couldn’t attend his funeral. He was in the hospital for more than three months, but he miraculously made it. I couldn’t help but feel as if his father gave his life so that his son could have more time on earth.
In 2023, I also finally got divorced after a two-year battle. When the judge granted our divorce, I breathed a sigh of relief and shed some tears. I mourned what was, what is, and what will be. Looking back on my marriage, it was marred with trauma. I still think about those days and shutter at what occurred and what I witnessed—the unraveling of a man succumbing to his addiction and the shattering of my happily ever after. I never thought after waiting 38 years to get married that it would end so horribly. I never predicted that I’d be a single mother raising my son on my own, but God had another plan for me. It was a plan to make me strong, resilient, and recognize my worth and what I truly deserve. God wanted more for me. I have yet to know what that is, but I trust him completely. There is purpose in my pain, and all will become clear in His time.
Although my marriage ended badly, I know there was a reason why our worlds collided. It was to get the greatest gift I’ve ever been given—my beautiful son. He gives me purpose and pushes me to be the best version of myself, which isn’t always easy. Motherhood tests me and challenges me, but it also brings me more joy than I’ve ever experienced. I love that boy more than the entire world and am so blessed to be his mommy.
Since the latter part of this year, I’ve been on a journey of healing that will continue for some time. I was living life in survival mode and knew I needed to get myself out of it. I’ve spent the past several months making myself a priority again. That can be hard to do, especially as a single parent, but I knew it needed to be done. I took myself out of my comfort zone because that’s where the growth happens. I lost myself for a while, but I’m starting to feel like myself again. I began a fitness journey a few months ago to become a healthier and happier version of myself. I’ve seen great results, won an 8-week fitness challenge, and I’ve only just begun!
I still have my moments of sadness and frustration, but I try to focus on my blessings. I’m excited to start a new year fresh. I don’t know what’s around the corner for me, but I know God will be right by my side through it all. So, I’m ready for whatever 2024 brings!
